Big Night On The Town

by Mary Lou Skunt

Well - it's finally here....my 30th birthday.....groan. I guess I should be excited. My best friend Norma is taking me out for a night on the town. What exactly does that mean you ask? Well - it will all start out innocently enough with a 'lite' dinner. Don't want to be bloated...tsk tsk.... Then we'll proceed for starter cocktails at some swanky bar in the city. Don't you just love paying $16.50 for a watered down martini? Then off to some nightclub where we're crammed in amongst an ocean of 20 somethings.....a phrase that can no longer be used to refer to me.

In these situations, I can't help but feeling like last year's design - shoved to the back of the store on the big %75 off rack. Waiting patiently for the shopper who has not found what he was looking for in the sea of shiny, happy people. Well - I may be making it out to sound a lot more gruesome than it actually is. I actually can still get a few winks and at least 1 or 2 numbers by the time the night is over.

On my birthday however - I feel like I need to prove something.....prove that I can still compete with 'this year's fashion'. Which means I'll probably wake up with what will inevitably not include just a hangover, but some extra DNA that will require the use of Oxyclean to remove.

I miss the old days - the days when it would take me minutes to get ready for going out. Just a quick refresher and I was ready to go. With each birthday it seems to add at least 10% onto the time it takes to make me 'show ready'.....

Next month, my bestie, Norma Zucker is getting married. Now - I kid you not - her fiancee's last name is Skock and she is actually thinking of taking his name. "I'll either be Norma Skock or Norma Scock-Zucker, I haven't decided yet" Either way, it's a lose - lose situation if you ask me.

Anyway - I digress...... The dress she has picked for her 'Maid of Honor' is an acid green chiffon....can you imagine?!?! I swear she's getting back at me for sleeping with her ex boyfriend Jacob. Well, boyfriend might be a bit of a stretch considering he charged by the hour.

I can only begin to think how long it will take me to get my hair and makeup just right to go with such a ghastly color.

I'll be sure to keep you posted - come back soon

MLS